... is this ridiculously adorable medium-sized pink penguin stuffed animal. I can't help myself but carry it around with me everywhere in the house. It's just so comfortable to cuddle with.

Since January, some events have occurred. Some good and bad. Some worth noting, some worth forgetting for life.

For starters, I'm no longer single. My heart has been tamed and captured. I am very happy and fortunate to be with him. And to be honest, it's really my first somewhat "normal" relationship. He's adorable, kind, musical, sexy, generous, caring, responsible, reliable... I could go on and on. But he doesn't like Pengki very much.

I'm really really really really really dreading second year. Since I failed two courses, I'm going to be very busy because I need to also catch up on my arts&sciences courses. Bummer.

Yesterday something terrible happened. Since it's the G20 Summit from Thursday to Sunday, U of T has closed off all faculties since yesterday. Unfortunately, my sweetie and I wasn't aware that the Edward Johnson building was to be closed at 6 PM. Our stuff was in there, including his cello, music, shoes and tux, which he needed for Banff. It was really an "oh, shit" moment. His flight is on Sunday, and he was to arrive at Banff on Monday... but obviously he can't go to Banff without his cello since that would defeat the purpose of going to Banff for the music program. He contacted the assistant professor of the head of the faculty last night, and she replied with some hope. Hopefully things will work out, and he'll be able to retrieve what he needs.

I think I'm getting obsessed with Monopoly.

Have you ever tried to avoid someone without making yourself look conspicuous? It's really really hard. It's not that I'm a chubi* for even trying to see that person less and less... but honestly if something happened in the past and you are not comfortable with that person anymore (especially when they are the reminiscing type) then obviously you get pissed off a little every time you hang out with them and eventually you try to stay away from them. Right?

Anyway, yesterday was pretty eventful. Played pool with two friends from my faculty, and it was quite cute how they kept going on about how I was depleting their confidence. I'm not that great; I've just played longer than they have. I get so frustrated with pool sometimes. One day I'll be pocketing balls the way I intended them, and another day I'll be missing the most easiest shots, ever.

We went to Milestones for dinner. My friend ordered a Bellini cocktail, while I had something else that was a little stronger and sour. Honestly, his drink tasted like a slushie drink. It was sweet and delicious and... as A.J. puts it, feminine. Afterwards we went to watch Sherlock Holmes.

My trio and I will be playing Villa-Lobos. A bit on the side of contemporary music, his stuff is quite difficult, as most modern pieces tend to be these days. We are playing the first two movements out of the four only. The first one will be challenging to put together, especially what with the awkward harmony and tricky rhythm. But the second movement is gorgeous. It has a very airy and ethereal feel to it, very elegant; a movement that contrasts greatly to the rest of the trio piece.

And you...stop toying with my head.

*=When you type 'bitch' on a cell phone with T9 enabled, you get the word 'chubi'.

I attended my tutorial class for theory this morning. I left at the end of the class, heartbroken. Because I failed the first semester, I cannot earn a credit for the second semester.

However, I am encouraged by my friends to continue attending the lectures and the tutorials. I have considered doing so thoroughly because of two prominent reasons: 1) to see my friends and 2) learn the material so that I am ready to pass with flying colors next year when I retake the course.

That aside, I skipped astronomy today to play pool with my good buddy, Andy. And wow, I have to say I am so glad I did because he and I witnessed an amazing player. He was Chinese, tall, perhaps in his twenties and was absolutely stunning. Every shot was precise, smooth, swift, and powerful. He shot with ease. His form was really elegant. All in all, he looked like a professional and of course, incredibly sexy, while wearing just sweatpants and a sweater. He took no time to shoot. It was just one ball after the other. The games ended very quickly and we could tell even the person he was playing with was quite taken back by his impressive skills.

I have to thank my friend, Denis, for introducing me to snooker. It's really challenging and at times ridiculously frustrating. I want to improve, and I wish I could dedicate my time to practicing pool/snooker.

There is this phone I've been lusting for. Sony Ericsson Xperia. WHY ARE YOU SO HOT FOR?

My moods aren't fluctuating terribly as of late. My heart is drifting back into its sheltered state. It doesn't want to care for the things that hurt me in the past.

I really want to learn how to become indifferent to feelings that would put me on the edge of my patience. It's just so frustrating to give a shit about something meaningless for months, because in the end, did it really matter at all?

No, and you know you could have done without the ache you had to carry in your heart everywhere you went, every thought you had in mind, and every dream.

I just don't understand why it matters. Does it mean I still have this faint hope, glimmering ever so dimly in the dark? If I ever did possess hope, it is garnished with bad karma.

Let go.

Touché.

I failed two courses. Introduction to Music & Society and Materials of Music.

This sucks dick. They were bloody easy, and because it was so easy, it encouraged me to routinely skip class, sleep in my tutorials and disregard the importance of assignments. Considering tutorials are worth 15%, and the assignments 40%, it is safe to assume that I must have done well on the exams, otherwise my final mark would really put my face to shame. Okay it did put my face to shame but nobody needs to know that.

Oh, if I had just handed in a few assignments and attended some tutorials, I would have passed.

There is no failure except in no longer trying.

I watched Queen's Blade, both seasons. I have to thank Danny for showing me such an interesting AMV featuring snippets from the anime. To be honest, it isn't that dreadful once you ignore the fanservice, which includes: huge glossy glistening boobs that overthrows Barbie's reputation, ridiculously jaw-dropping Amazonian women with bodies that are curvy in all the right places, milk splattering around that resembles too much like a woman getting facial... yes, if you can ignore all this, then really, Queen's Blade is not that terrible. At least the artwork is good. Not to mention the music is also pretty good. Character design is original, and honestly there's this one chick that I absolutely adore.



She's such an elf hottie!

On a more sad note, this morning I logged onto facebook and witnessed something that slapped my heart. I am not sure why, but it began to ache and for the rest of the day I was quite bothered. I thought I was over it, but I guess some feelings still linger inside.

Where's that off button...